But Brad Pitt’s so pretty!

Hot: Records Highs

Okay, so Indiana hasn’t won a Big Ten game this season, but Wisconsin’s 83 points is still pretty darn HOT! And, as crazy as it is to think if a team scoring that many points, it’s even crazier when you look at the stats. Wisconsin had just under 600 total yards of offense, 260 passing/338 rushing yards, and possessed the ball for 32 minutes.  In this weekend’s performance, the Badgers scored the most points by any FBS school this season. And, matched the most by a Big Ten team since 1950. As one of the Badger players said after the game, it’s their job to execute and if the other team can’t stop them so be it.  

Not: Unbeaverlievable

Washington State…. Really, Beavers? You just HAD to lose to a team that hasn’t won a conference game since 2008, didn’t you? Not only that, but you let them stop you from scoring at all in the first half. You know how long it’s been since their defense has managed that? THREE seasons, that’s how long! After 5 consecutive bowl-eligible seasons, you probably just got tired of the bowl drama, right? Yeah. Who needs it? If you can’t beat them…..hmmm…..how’s the end of that phrase go? Oh, well. It’s not applicable anyway… in your case, you can’t.  

Hot: Give me five

Anyone have any guesses about how many times Northwestern has beaten Iowa in the last 6 tries? (Hint: look at the title) Yep! You guessed it, you smarty you: FIVE! While the Wildcats weren’t much to speak of in some of those seasons, this year they are good and they aren’t getting much credit for it. And, well, if you can’t get credit the next best thing is to ruin your opponent’s chance at greatness. Right? Thanks to Northwestern, Iowa is pretty well out of the hunt for the Big Ten title. Nice work, Cats.

Not: Trojan Wildcat

Dan Persa’s impression of Brad Pitt in Troy was spot on, but not really what the Northwestern faithful were hoping for. Following the pass that gave Northwestern its big win, Persa’s Achilles’ tendon ruptured when he ran to celebrate with his teammates. Maybe THAT’s why the refs throw that pesky celebration flag all the time. They have always known it would lead to destruction. Seriously, though, Persa’s season-ending injury is bad news for Northwestern.

Hot: What do we do now?

After their trip-to-the-SEC-Championship-Game victory over Florida this weekend, South Carolina’s players weren’t sure of the protocol. The coaching staff had to nudge them toward the proper celebratory practices (such as rushing the field and drenching the coach). According to Coach Spurrier, “We haven’t had many championships. We had to coach them up a little bit.” Uh, coach, “many” is a bit of an overstatement. After all, this is the Gamecock’s first league title since joining the SEC 18 years ago. But, hey, maybe going through Spurrier’s old team and getting their first win in Gainesville means this counts as multiple victories.

Not: S-s-st-sttt-stuttering Stanley, er, Giorgio

After holding Oregon to 40 points below their average and shutting them out in the first and fourth quarters, you couldn’t pull out a win, Bears? Ugggh. You better watch your backs because Bronco Nation, and most likely the Horned Frog toadies too, have put out a hit on you. Yep, everyone one of you darn California Bears. Of course, some may have an extra special treatment (tickle torture or worse!) lined up for Giorgio Tavecchio.  After scoring the would-be game-winning 24-yard field goal, it was determined that Tavecchio took a stutter step before the snap, which resulted in a five yard penalty. The 29-yard retry was no good. And that, friends, is the tale of how Cal didn’t win this weekend.

Hot: Tennessee WINS!

Nope, that isn’t a joke. Tennessee really did win! No witty title needed. The Vols have managed to get two consecutive victories for the first time this season, AND their first SEC win. The fact that the W comes at the expense of Old Miss’s Jeremiah Masoli is just a bonus. Masoli finished completed only 7 passes for 80 yards, threw three interceptions, and orchestrated no touchdowns. Oh, oh….and ran for a measly 22 rushing yards. Maybe Tennessee’s defense can play after all.

Not: Utahrrible

Remember when Utah was ranked #5 in the country? That sure was funny wasn’t it? We all knew they were overrated, but to get destroyed by Notre Dame is jut sad. Even more sad that they couldn’t have played this game the week BEFORE their TCU matchup.  Honestly, Utah didn’t play a decent team until October 30—the same week their huge wins stopped. Utah beat Air Force by 5 points, and has only managed to score 10 points since. Just how did they get ranked #5 anyway? To start the season they beat a SEVERLY overrated Pitt team in overtime by 3 points. Following that they beat all the college football “greats”……UNLV, New Mexico, San Jose State, Iowa State, Wyoming, and Colorado State. Not much to boast about really.  Yeah, Utah, you really aren’t hot. Sorry.